4 Lessons Learned as a Twin Mom: 0-3 Months

Shortly after having the twins, I said to myself (and my husband) that I felt like I was on vacation.  Compared to the physical fatigue that the last few weeks of my twin pregnancy brought (while caring for a rambunctious toddler), sitting quietly on the couch nursing my sleepy newborns was a relaxing paradise. The icing on the cake was the validation I felt watching my husband’s exhaustion grow as he struggled to keep up with our 18 month old because “toddlers are so much harder.” But the truth is, it ebbs and flows and is undoubtedly different for every parent and every baby.

As each season and stage pass, I reflect on the unique challenges the previous season brought. I have found little value in playing the “what stage is the hardest” game with myself and certainly not with others because each of these stages with their unique joys and challenges flew by way too quickly. So next time you’re drowning in the day to day remember that the challenges you’re experiencing today won’t be there for long so don’t wish away the time!

With that being said, this will be my first installment of a 4 part series entitled “Lessons Learned” where I share my reflections from each “stage” of my twins first year of life (0-3 months, 3-6 months, 6-9 months, and 9-12 months).

Lesson #1: Everything is hard!

The logistics of caring for twins will consume your life early on: build your confidence early (your mental health will thank you!)

I pulled my new mom-mobile mini van into the parking lot of our local pizza place to pick up a carryout order and quickly realized that this new life was going to be HARD! I walked into the store by myself carrying an infant car seat on each arm with my little guy walking alongside of us holding onto my coat, not sure how I was going to manage to get the 2 large pizzas back out to the van.  Thankfully someone offered to carry our pizza out for us or I honestly don’t know what we would have done. 

Learning to leave the house with my 3 little ones came with all sorts of new challenges. But each challenge we overcame helped build my confidence as a mom which was so important for my mental health in those early postpartum days.  Personally I found it easier to learn these logistics when the twins were still little and snoozy all the time but it’s never too late!

Transportation was a huge learning curve as we navigated 3 kids under 2 years old. Three rear facing car seats was problematic. We were not able to fit all three carseats in either of our cars so we purchased a minivan and were so excited about how easy this was going to make our lives. WRONG! Nothing was easy in this early season.  We couldn’t get to the 3rd row of our minivan with two rear-facing car seats in the captains seats. Our solution was to have our toddler in one captain seat, fold the other captain seat down into the floor (leaving a nice open area for diaper changes & baby stuff) and then clicking both of the twins infant car seats into the 3rd row.  

When I say transportation, I don’t just mean riding in our car.  The real transportation learning curve was how on earth we were going to get all the babies from point A to point B every day.  Walking down the driveway to go get the mail was hard. Getting to the new playroom in our basement was hard.  Dropping my toddler off at daycare was hard.  Going for a walk was hard. Don’t even get me started on going to the store- thank goodness for online grocery pickups (the only way I am buying groceries for the foreseeable future!)

Our 18 month old was walking independently when the twins were born but still wasn’t super steady or fast.  He often needed to be carried to efficiently get anywhere (and for his safety). When I was by myself, I used all sorts of configurations of car seats, carriers, and strollers to transport babies from point A to point B.  Sometimes I would use our Weego twin carrier and a single stroller for my toddler.  Sometimes I would use our double stroller (with car seat connectors) for the twins and put my toddler in a back carrier.  Sometimes I would put one twin in a single carrier, carry a carseat, and walk slowly holding my toddlers hand.  Sometimes I would put one twin in a single carrier and use the double stroller for the other twin (in the car seat) and my toddler. Sometimes we would connect our fun toddler scooter to the back of the double stroller and let him ride along (although he was not very steady on the scooter for the first few months). Sometimes I would scoop both twins up in my arms and pray that my toddler didn’t need my hands until we got to point B. 

I realize now upon reflection that I probably tried to do way too much in these first postpartum months. It was almost my own version of postpartum anxiety- trying to prove to myself (and others) that I could do things with all of these babies, terrified that I would end up cooped up in the house in survival mode for the next 3-5 years. It was an exhausting learning curve those first few months, but I am so glad I built up my confidence as a mom while 2/3 of the babies were still sleeping most of the day (they especially loved their carrier & car seat naps).  So lesson #1 from months 0-3… everything is hard BUT you can & will do hard things as a twin parent so better to steer into the storm & learn to navigate!

Lesson #2: You CAN exclusively nurse twins!

First and foremost, fed is best. I am in no way saying that breastfeeding twins is right (or possible) for everyone. Each family’s unique circumstances will dictate how their babies get fed. But I know personally I desperately wanted to exclusively nurse my twins, and I am happy to report that it is definitely possible!

I exclusively breastfed my singleton without much difficulty. Even with breastfeeding experience, I was skeptical that I would be able to exclusively nurse my twins. Would I make enough milk? Would they be able to latch if they were born prematurely? Would I be able to mentally and emotionally handle the pressure of being the sole provider of food for both of my babies? 

As with anything in this twin parent life… confidence is key: trust your body and trust your instincts. I am no lactation consultant, but I have learned that if one thing kills milk supply its stress! We spent a few days doing the dreaded “triple feeding” (latching, pumping, then bottle feeding) to make sure the twins were getting enough to eat, and in just a few days I felt that stress creeping up on me. They were born at 36 weeks 5 days just shy of “full term” and were pretty sleepy early on so it took them a few days to efficiently nurse from the breast. It was nerve wracking to stop the pumping/bottle feeding and just trust my babies and my body but I knew deep down they were getting enough and the triple feeds were not sustainable. If I had one piece of advice for twin moms (or any moms) trying to navigate the breastfeeding world it would be to follow your instincts & trust yourself!

The other thing to think about when considering if nursing twins is right for you is tandem feeding. This is absolutely not essential but certainly saves you time and helps keep the babies on the same feeding schedule if you are able to learn to feed twins at the same time. I also found that those early days of keeping track of which baby ate on which side and for how long got complicated real quick and the tandem nursing helped simplify this process.  The Huckleberry app also lets you add two different babies which helped us keep everything separate and organized. I remember one night early on (when we were still waking the babies up for feedings every 3 hours to ensure weight gain) I was not tandem nursing and realized at 6am that I accidentally fed the same girl twice at 3AM and her sister hadn’t eaten since midnight #identicaltwinproblems. Oops! Hard to make that mistake when you are feeding them both at the same time.

As I learned to tandem feed, initially I tried the Twin Z nursing pillow and found that when the twins were super small it didn’t quite bring them high enough for my body. I had much more success early on with the My Brest Friend Twin nursing pillow- it was much more supportive.  I really only found one comfortable position in those first few months for tandem nursing.  I don’t know that there is a ton of room for creativity when it comes to tandem nursing positions but I’d love to hear if anyone else found success with other positions. During the day, I would almost always sit on the floor when nursing the twins. It was easier to position my girls from the floor when I was by myself and it gave me peace of mind knowing that god forbid one of them rolled off the pillow because my hands were FULL, they would not fall too far. At night I would sit up in bed and have my husband help me get them positioned.  I used the “football” hold where each baby was positioned along the side of my body with their heads almost touching at midline. The pillows provided most of the support in this position and I could use my hands to support their heads and help with their latches. 

So lesson #2 from months 0-3… Exclusive breastfeeding is definitely possible with twins but as with anything in twin life there will be a learning curve! In my experience the convenience that nursing my babies provides is so worth those initial challenges!

Lesson #3: It’s okay to slow down even though it feels like you’re treading water

Everybody always tells you “soak in all the newborn cuddles it goes too fast” but for some reason I thought having twins exempted me from this. Honestly, I felt ready for the twins. I was prepared for it to be hard. I expected minimal sleep, sore nipples, C-section recovery aches, and emotional growing pains as our toddler transitioned to life with his new siblings. I was mentally prepared for how exhausting newborn twins would be (and it absolutely was) but I think all of my preparation and anticipation may have hindered my ability to slow down for long enough to soak it all in.  

Everyday felt like a never ending marathon of diapers, feedings, housework, meals for our family and trying our best to play with and help our 18 month old adjust to big brother life.  The days blurred together and although our 36 weekers were pretty sleepy early on it still felt like there were not enough hours in the day. I found myself using the fact that I had multiples as an excuse for why I couldn’t slow down and “soak it all in” like singleton parents could. I thought to myself “yeah I’m sure I would be able to soak up all those newborn snuggles if I didn’t have double the diapers, double the amount of time spent feeding, double the outfit changes and double the nap times to juggle etc.” There are certainly plenty of things that singleton parents will never truly be able to understand about raising multiples but I think they may have gotten this one right. 

Make the time to slow down. You will never reach the end of your never ending to do list but you will reach the end of this newborn phase sooner than you think you will.  You will find yourself wishing you spent a little more time cuddling those scrunchy itty bitty babies. So when people offer you help in those early months – accept it. Let someone do your dishes or fold your laundry or bring your family dinner while you sit on the couch doing absolutely nothing else but holding a sleeping baby (or two).  If not for yourself, accept the help because your babies deserve those cuddles and it won’t be that way for long!

Lesson #4: Twins are magical!

This one is kind of a given but those first few months with our twins I was mesmerized by their “twinness”. Twins truly are magical. It is miraculous that the female body can grow a baby from head to toe, but growing two babies at the same time… wild!  

Our girls are monozygotic (identical) but I imagine many of twin things early on also pertain to fraternal twins as they also shared a living space for 9 months. Everyone is familiar with “tummy time” for babies but in our house we also practiced “twin time” where we would lay the girls side by side and watch in awe as they soothed each other (sometimes even when dada and mama had both been unsuccessful soothers). At times I even felt a tiny bit jealous. With my singleton I was used to being the safest person in the world for him but with the twins at times it felt like they were each others safest person and I was on the outside looking in. But what a beautiful view I had! 

Initially I was nervous that I wouldn’t be able to tell the twins apart. I even bought little ankle bracelets with their initials just to be sure. Thankfully both me and my husband were able to tell the girls apart right away in the hospital and every day since. Although my “mom goggles” may prevent me from mixing them up, I am not blind to how similar they look. It is remarkable to see the exact same features gazing back at you from two different bodies. I know the twin magic is just being in these first few months and I can not wait to continue to watch their connection grow!

Stay tuned for the next installment of “Lessons Learned” where I reflect on months 3-6 of twin parenting!